(1) Let's start with some nine-letter TV shows shall we?

CHILDREN'S TV SHOW THAT HAS RUN FOR OVER 60 YEARS, AND HAS HAD 40 OFFICIAL PRESENTERS

BLUE PETER

CURRENT AFFAIRS TV SHOW ON AIR FOR OVER 40 YEARS. HAS HAD OFFICIAL PRESENTERS INCLUDING PETER SNOW AND MARTHA KEARNEY

NEWSNIGHT

DAYTIME TV SHOW, WHICH HAS HAD FIVE PERMANENT HOSTS OF ITS 7000 EPISODES SINCE 1982

COUNTDOWN

DAYTIME TV SHOW WHICH HAS BEEN PRESENTED BY THE SAME TWO PEOPLE SINCE IT LAUNCHED IN 2009

POINTLESS

(2) And now for some dancing. These are taken from the Collins Dictionary definitions of various dances. Which ones?

'LATIN AMERICAN DANCE OF THREE STEPS AND A KICK, PERFORMED BY A NUMBER OF PEOPLE IN SINGLE FILE'

CONGA

'RHYTHMIC PATTERN OF ARM, HAND AND HIP MOVEMENTS IN TIME TO A SPANISH SONG OF 1993'

MACARENA

'THE DANCER APPEARS TO BE SLIDING ON THE SPOT'

MOONWALK

'FAST RHYTHMIC DANCE OF THE 1920s, CHARACTERIZED BY KICKING AND BY TWISTING OF THE LEGS FROM THE KNEE DOWN'

CHARLESTON

'BENDING THEIR KNEES, STICKING THEIR BOTTOM OUT AND MOVING OR SHAKING IT QUICKLY'

TWERK

(3) Right, now I'm straight off on my ramble. Be it mountain or river, village or metropolis, every stopping-off point has nine letters. It makes for a nice neat itinerary when you print it out.

SOMETIME HOME TO JARVIS COCKER, NICK CLEGG AND THE SNOOKER

SHEFFIELD

CITY THAT INSPIRED THE NAME OF MELBA TOAST VIA DAME NELLIE MELBA

MELBOURNE

SISTER RIVER TO THE TIGRIS

EURPHRATES

CATHEDRAL POPULAR WITH RUSSIAN TOURISTS, THANKS TO ITS 123-METRE SPIRE, AND ITS CLOCK, THE FIRST OF ITS KIND EVER CREATED IN THE WORLD, WHICH IS STILL WORKING

SALISBURY

FAMOUS MOUNTAIN WITH VERY SPLENDID VIEWS OF RIO, WHERE THE LOCALS CALL IT 'PAO DE ACUCAR' (this is obviously spelled incorrectly because the font doesn't display special characters -angrydan)

SUGARLOAF

WORLD'S LARGEST ISLAND, NOT KNOWN FOR ITS SUNBATHING OPPORTUNITIES

GREENLAND

MEXICAN STATE THAT GAVE ITS NAME TO A SMALL AND SOMETIMES SHRILL CANINE (WHICH IS VERY ENDEARING, DON'T @ ME)

CHIHUAHUA

CITY THAT SADLY DID NOT FILL UP WITH THOUSANDS OF COMEDIANS THIS SUMMER

EDINBURGH

(4) All the songs below have 'nine' or '9' somewhere in the title. Name those tunes.

DOLLY PARTON SONG FROM THE SAME YEAR AS A SHEENA EASTON SONG WHICH SHARED THE TITLE

9 TO 5

EIGHTIES NUMBER ONE ABOUT TEENAGERS IN THE VIETNAM WAR

19

ROLLING STONES HIT ABOUT BEING VERY VERY STRESSED

19TH NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

KATIE MELUA CLASSIC INSPIRED BY A VISIT TO BEIJING

NINE MILLION BICYCLES

JAY-Z HIT WHICH HE PERFORMED AT THE STAFF BALL FOR OBAMA'S INAUGURATION

99 PROBLEMS

1980s PRINCE SONG ABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD

1999

1980s NENA SONG ABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD

99 RED BALLOONS

THE BIT IN BRACKETS IS '(OH WHAT A NIGHT)'

DECEMBER, 1963

(5) Paint Or Ain't is back! Ten colours follow, each of nine letters. For a point each time, tell me whether it's a shade from the Farrow & Ball range, or one I've simply invented.

PALE HOUND

PAINT!

HARD CIDER

AIN'T!

HOT SCAMPI

AIN'T!

PARMA GRAY

PAINT!

YELLOW DOG

AIN'T!

HAGUE BLUE

PAINT!

RADICCHIO

PAINT!

CURRY PUFF

AIN'T!

LITTLE OWL

AIN'T!

DUCK GREEN

PAINT!

(6) So that just leaves one other component of our theme...

NAKED HORSE RIDER

LADY GODIVA

PERFORMER, WITH BRADLEY COOPER OF AN ...INTIMATE DUET AT LAST YEAR'S OSCARS

LADY GAGA

SHE REIGNED FROM THE 10TH TO THE 19TH OF JULY 1553

LADY JANE GREY

1955 FILM WHERE A SCHNAUZER MONGREL MEETS AN AMERICAN COCKER SPANIEL

LADY AND THE TRAMP

NICKNAME OF LYNDON B. JOHNSON'S WIFE, OSCAR-NOMINATED 2018 FILM, BOOK PUBLISHER

LADYBIRD